big freaking pig
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CHEF'S DAD
Ooh, it must've been about seven, eight
years ago. Me and the little lady was
out on this boat, you see, all alone
at night, when all of a sudden this
huge creature, this giant crustacean
from the paleolithic era, comes out
of the water.CHEF'S MOM We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat and I said "Thomas, what on earth is that creature?!" THOMAS It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes,- CHEF'S MOM Oh, it was so scary! THOMAS -and I yelled. I said, "What do you want from us, monster?!" And the monster bent down and said, "...Uh I need about tree-fitty." KYLE What's tree-fitty? THOMAS Three dollars and fifty cents. CHEF'S MOM Tree-fitty. STAN He wanted money? THOMAS That's right. I said "I ain't giving you no tree-fitty you goddamn Loch Ness monster! Get your own goddamn money!" CHEF'S MOM I gave him a dollar. THOMAS She gave him a dollar. CHEF'S MOM I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar. THOMAS Well of course he's not gonna go away, Nellie! You gave him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more! -
THOMAS
And that was the third time we saw the
Loch Ness monster. Then one time, I
believe it was July-NELLIE August. THOMAS -August. There's a knock on the door. I open it, and there's this cute little girl scout- NELLIE And she was so adorable, with the little pig tails and all. THOMAS -And she says to me, "How would you like to buy some cookies?" And I said "Well, what kind do you have?" She had thin mints, graham crunchy things- NELLIE Raisin oatmeal. THOMAS -Raisin oatmeal, and I said "We'll take a graham crunch. How much will that be?" And she looks at me and she says, "...Uh I need about tree-fitty." NELLIE ...Tree-fitty. THOMAS Well, it was about that time that I notice that girl scout was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. NELLIE The Loch Ness monster. THOMAS I said, "Dammit monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't giving you no tree-fitty!" It said, "how about just two-fitty?" I said, "Oh, now it's only two-fitty!! What?! Is there a sale on Loch Ness munchies or something?!" NELLIE Lord, he was angry. THOMAS Damn right, I was angry! NELLIE Not you, the monster. He was about to kick your ass. THOMAS Aah, shut your mouth, woman! -
THOMAS
Could I have your attention please?
Tomorrow, my son is gonna get married
to a beautiful lady. I'm very happy
for them both. Ooh there I go! I told
myself I wasn't gonna cry, now.CHEF It's okay, pop. NELLIE Thomas, you're gonna get me going now. THOMAS Oh, I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man. He came running up to me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he said, "Poppa, poppa!" I said "What do you need, Chef, my boy?", and he said, "...I need about tree-fitty." NELLIE ...Tree-fitty. THOMAS Well, it was about that time I got suspicious. I said, "Chef, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Goo-Goo the dinosaur wants it." I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was the Loch Ness monster! NELLIE Oh, it was scary! THOMAS I said, "Dammit monster! You stop bugging my children now! We work for our money in this house and we don't give money away!" -
...And then these aliens had me up on
their ship, right? They was probing
me and all that.NELLIE We had taco salad that night. THOMAS Don't matter what we had for dinner woman! Now this alien had a big head and big black eyes, and it was all bent over me. I said, "What do you want from me, alien?!" and do you know what he said? NELLIE Tree-fitty. THOMAS Uh. Let me tell the damn story now! He said, "tree-fitty." And so I realized I that it wasn't no alien, it was that God-damned Loch Ness monster again, trying to trick me into giving him tree-fitty by dressing up like an alien. Don't that just beat all?! NELLIE I had just given him tree-fitty the week before. THOMAS What?! You gave that monster another damn tree-fitty?! NELLIE He tricked me. THOMAS Well no wonder the damn monster keeps coming back to our house! You keep giving it tree-fitty! -
sorry for whoring this, but you started it shell...
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I'll stop whoring for tree-fitty
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hmmmm....turns out it wasn't really "wild" afterall......
http://www.startribune.com/531/story/1220493.html -
but it was big
-
that sucks you beat me to it...
here a psht, there psht, everywhere a psht psht
PVC SQUAD MEMBER #2- 95 CIVIC EX- DD 320whp on a mustang dyno
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