you might be a ricer..........

[SmitEvo]

Acura Integra- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend- I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX- I am impotent
Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart-I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ford Escort - I'm a red-headed nanny
Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.
Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.
Honda del Sol- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse-I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6-I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)
Mercedes 500SL- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda Miata- I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler
MGB- I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....
Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet- I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus- I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife

[SmitEvo]

ACURA

Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
Awful,Crappy,Unreliable, Rusty Automobile
Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents
A Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?
Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead

AMC

All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Moron's Car
Another Major Catastrophe
Another Mess of Crap

AUDI

Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BEETLE

Battered Everywhere, Expect To Lose Engine

BMW

Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Waste
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
Bought My Wife
Brings Me Women
Break My Window
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK

Butt Ugly Import Car Killer
Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer
Butt Ugly In Central Kentucky
Built Under the Inspection of a Crazy Korean
Bought Understanding It Can't Kickbutt

CADILLAC

Crazy Aunt Drives It Like A Lunatic Across the Country
Car And Driver Indicates Lady Luck Abandoned Consumer

CAMARO

Can't America Make A Real One?

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Car Has Extensive Rattle On Long Trips
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping
Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Runs On Luck Every Time

CHEVY

Charged HEaVilY
Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
Cruddy Hick Engine Very Yucky
Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Yearly

CHRYSLER

Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's
Collection of Half Realized Yet Somehow Likeable Engineering Research
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair

CHRYCO

Cherry Hot Rod You Can't Outrun
Chrysler Has Run Your Chebby Off

CITROEN

Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters

DATSUN

Detroit's Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips

DODGE

Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
Death Overcomes Driver's Generous Ego
Driven Only During Grey Evenings
Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Department Of Defense's Grossest Error
Don't Over Drive Gutless Engine
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dear Old Dad's Garage Experiment

Edsel

Every Day Something Else Leaks

FIAT

Failure In Automotive Technology
Fix It Again Tony
Fix It Alltha Time
F**ked In the Ass Twice
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD

F**ked over rebuilt Dodge
Flip over read directions
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Rockville Dump
Fails On Rainy Days
Fastest On Race Day
Fastest On Road Daily
First On Race Day (proven false)
Fourth On Race Day (of the "Big Three", fourth is pretty bad!)
First On Recall Day
First On Road to Dump
First On Rust and Deterioration
Found On Road Dead
Found On Rubbish Dump
Four Old Rusty Doors
Fool Only Runs Downhill (expletive replaced)
Driver Returns On Foot (backwards)
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
F'in's Owner's Really Dumb
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Freaky Obsolete Racing Device
Fireball On Rear Denting
Fork Over Repair Dough
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Forward Only, Reverse Defective
Forced On Reluctant Drivers

GEO

Get Everyone Out
Grotesque Engineering Outdated
Getting Even Ourway
Got Engine, Oh?
Get 'Er Outtahere
Good Engineering Overlooked

GM

Get a Mopar!
Grungy Merchandise
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Gluteus Maximus
Grossly Misconceived

GMC

Garage Mechanics Companion
General Mass of Crap
Generally Mediocre Cars
Got a Mechanic Coming
Got More Crap
Get More Chicks
Great Muscle Cars
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?

GTO

Get Tickets Often
Get Tires Often

HONDA

Helping Out Nips Destroying America
How Odd-No Damn Acceleration
Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
Hand Over Dollars to Asians
Had One Never Did Again
Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles

HYUNDAI

Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive

IROC

Idiot Runs Over Cats
Ignorant Redneck Owns Car
I'm Really Out of Cash
Italian Retard Out Cruising
I Race Other Cars
I Race On Credit
I Run Over Children
It's Really Only a Camaro

JAGUAR

Jags Always Guarantee Unlimited Astronomical Repairs

JEEP

Just Eats Every Part
Just Everyone Elses Parts
Just Empty Every Pocket
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly

LTD

Long Term Debt
Lousy Transportation Dammit
Long Term Disability

MAZDA

Most Always Dangerously Zipping Along
Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly
Making A Zillion Dollars Annually

MERCEDES

Money Envy Reliably Causes every Derogatory Expletive to Surface

METRO

Monkeys Engineered This Road Obstacle
Mileage's Everything; Torque, Running's Out
Mangey Environmentalist Transporter Rusts On
My Endeared Transportatin Rusted Out
Martha, Every Thing Rattles Off!
May Every Thing Rattle On
May Endure Teasing, Ridicule, and Ostracism

MG

Might Go
Mobile Garbage
Money Guzzler
Money Grabber

MGB

Might Go Backwards

Miata

My Intention: Always To Accelerate

MITSUBISHI

May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside
Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents

MOPAR

Made Of Plastic And Rubber
Most Often Passed At Races
Most Often Proven At the Racetrack
Most OverPowered And Respected
Massively OverPowered And Respected
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Mostly Old Paint And Rust
Mounds Of Power And Revs
Move Over, Pentastar Approaching Rapidly
MOst Perfect Automobiles for Racing
Masters Or Performance and Racing
Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars
My Old Pig Ain't Running
My Old Pig Always Roars
My Old Plymouth Ain't Runnin.
More Overall Performance And Reliability
Mostly Obsolete Parts Assembled Randomly
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Most Often Passed At Races
My Only Problems Are Repairs
Move Over People Are Racing

MUSTANG

Massively Ugly Sh*tpile That's Always No Good
Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

NISSAN

Never I Shall Steal Another Nissan
Now in Stupid Shape, Always Nasty

OLDS

One Leak, Dead Starter
Older, Louder, Dumber, Slower
Obnoxious, Loud Death Sled

OLDSMOBILE

Oh Look, Dammit! Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everything
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO

Put In Nickel To Operate
Performance Is Not The Object
Put In New Transmission Often
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Pyrotechnics Is Naturally The Object

PLYMOUTH

Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!
Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, all Underestimating This Heap

PONTIAC

Poor Old Nitwit Thinks It's A Cadillac

PORSCHE

Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense
Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions
Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine
Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough
Pity Only Rich Suckers Can Have 'Em

PROBE

Plainly Runs Only By Exception

RENAULT

Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back
Slick As A Brick
Swedish Auto - Always Broken
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Swedish Auto's Are Best
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears Ass-Backward

SATURN

Sorry About That Unexpected Recall Notice

SUBARU

Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
U R A BUS (read backwards)
Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All
Transportation Of Young Or Tasteless Airheads
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH

The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt

VOLVO

Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW

Virtually Worthless

STP

Stop Those Pistons

NAPA

Never Any Parts Available

[SmitEvo]

How To Identify A Driver's Home

One hand on wheel,
One hand on horn: New York

One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago

One hand on wheel,
One hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

One hand on wheel,
One hand in pants, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California*
*with gun in lap: L.A.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy

One hand on Latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle

One hand on wheel,
One hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male

One hand on wheel,
One hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male

One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair,
One hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female

Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado

One hand on steering, yelling obscenities, the other hand a waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plates.

[SmitEvo]

Top 16 Things Bill Gates would change about the Automotive Industry

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill Gate's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. For some reason you would simply accept this.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
11. New seats would require everyone to have the same butt size.
12. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
13. The U.S. government would get subsidies from an automaker - a first.
14. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
15. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car 95 or CarNT - but then you would have to buy more seats.
16. People would get excited about the new features of Microsoft cars, forgetting that the same features had been available from other carmakers for years.

[SmitEvo]

Ok sorry, I am done.

[Guest]

F ound
O n
R eservation
D ump

P lease
L et
Y our
M echanic
O ut (from)
U nder
T he
H ood

F limsy
O ld
R ebuild
D odge

A in't
M y
C ar

G ot
M echanic
C oming

N eeds
I mprovement
S o
S tart
A gain
N ipponese

D ead
O ld
D eserted
G as
E ater

M aybe
I t'll
T ake
S ome
U nobtanium
B efore
I t'll
S top
H aving
I ssues

[adog]

You might be a ricer if ...

your "Type R" Integra is a four-door
your rims cost twice the blue book value of your car
you own a NISMO Cavalier
your mom's car could beat yours
you bought plug wires to try to beat your mom's car

AND most especially...

You own a supercharged S2000 and never ever drive or race it anywhere

[Guest]

adog wrote:
You own a supercharged S2000 and never ever drive or race it anywhere

ROFLMMFAO!!!!

[treimche]

adog wrote:
You might be a ricer if ...

your "Type R" Integra is a four-door
your rims cost twice the blue book value of your car
you own a NISMO Cavalier
your mom's car could beat yours
you bought plug wires to try to beat your mom's car

AND most especially...

You own a supercharged S2000 and never ever drive or race it anywhere

OWNED!

[vss2k]

adog wrote:
You might be a ricer if ...

You own a supercharged S2000 and never ever drive or race it anywhere

Yup i'm a ricer! Neon lights and everything!

Ok heres one for adog

"you may be a ricer if u have vw style muffler on ur teg!"

[adog]

You're dissing my TRD NISMO Type-R 4-door?

[Joel]

does having a turbo domestic make you a ricer?

[TakeYourTopOff]

I hope people are just joking about the ricer thing I stay away from the old guys cause of the bull shit if your not an old you’re you shouldn’t be in a car show attitude or the typical chevy guy that says if it’s not a (shity) chevy it’s nothing…. Can’t we all just let people like what they like and not have to pull highschool crap and put others rides down or are we just as bad as a few of the old guys???

P.S. New to fargo street so not sure if your just kidding or not

[vss2k]

adog and i are kidding, we've worked together for yrs

[TakeYourTopOff]

well i've meet chuck so i kind of figured he was so figued but wasn't sure about the rest

[King Ricer]

99slowGSX wrote:
FORD

F**ked over rebuilt Dodge
Flip over read directions
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Rockville Dump
Fails On Rainy Days
Fastest On Race Day
Fastest On Road Daily
First On Race Day (proven false)
Fourth On Race Day (of the "Big Three", fourth is pretty bad!)
First On Recall Day
First On Road to Dump
First On Rust and Deterioration
Found On Road Dead
Found On Rubbish Dump
Four Old Rusty Doors
Fool Only Runs Downhill (expletive replaced)
Driver Returns On Foot (backwards)
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
F'in's Owner's Really Dumb
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Freaky Obsolete Racing Device
Fireball On Rear Denting
Fork Over Repair Dough
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Forward Only, Reverse Defective
Forced On Reluctant Drivers

you forgot one....F*cking OverRated Domestic

[GarageAlchemist]

is an import powered domestic rice?

[Bryce]

heath wrote:
is an import powered domestic rice?
Nope, just slow.

[PSiedTSi]

race him in a little bit youll prolly change your mind

[ichibankilla]

You forgot one.

DSM:

Dime
Store
Mechanics